Chronicles of the New Watchers: Book One
by Gwenyth Hunter
Summary: AU After the final battle with the First Giles begins to rebuild the Watchers Council.
1. Chapter One

Spoilers:  Buffy – final episodes; Angel – mild ones for the last episodes of season 4

Summary:  Giles begins the process of rebuilding the Watcher's Council but finds himself in need of new recruits.  He decides the best ones ar the ones he knows.

Disclaimer:  Own nothing.  Not Wes.  Not Xander.  Not even Giles.  Damn it!  Anyway, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel and the characters from both shows belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, Fox, the WB and/or UPN.  Double damn!

Author's notes:  This story will be based on some spoilers I've found about the last episodes of Buffy.  So if you don't want it ruined for ya, you may not want to read any further if you want to be surprised about the series ending.  Course the spoilers I've read may or may not be true.  *shrugs*

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Chronicles of the New Watchers

Book One:  The Chosen Ones

Buffy:  The First. That's what it wants.

Giles:  Yes, to erase all the slayers in training and their watchers along with their methods.

"Bring On The Night"

**********

**Chapter One**

Excerpt from the journals of Rupert Giles, Head of the New Council of Watchers

_May 22, 2003_

_I have been asked to rebuild the council.  So few of us have survived the First's attack against the line of the Slayer, but I hardly think I'm the one with the ability to accomplish this task.  Except the others have requested I be the one based on my experience in the field with Buffy.  I find many other watchers disagreed with the way the council was run.  I can't blame them.  _

_But I'm not ready for this now.  We've barely defeated the first, and are recovering from our losses._

_Xander is recovering from the loss of his eye.  I know he is bitter, but as usual, he is covering his pain with cheap humor.  I feel for him.  I may have never admitted this before, but the lad is like a son to me.  They are all my children – Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Xander.  I have known them for several years and they have claimed my heart.  I am relieved they have survived the war again the first – barely._

_But I have lost one child I never had much time to know, but I feel the loss nonetheless.  _

_Faith is gone.  She gave her life to seal the hellmouth permanently.  It was the ultimate sacrifice.  She had become an extraordinary young woman during her incarceration.  I am pleased that she was able to lay some of her demons to rest._

_And now we lay her memory to rest.___

There was only a simple marker set in the midst of the woods.  No body to be buried, a lack of closure for those gathered.  But the small memorial was heartfelt and bittersweet.  

Faith had given them their lives in giving up hers to seal the hellmouth.

There were only a few gathered that night.  Giles, Buffy, the "scoobies" – Xander, Willow, Dawn, Anya and Spike.  Even Wesley, Angel and Connor came from L.A. to pay their respects.  Most of the surviving potentials had returned to their homes, including the new Slayer Rona.  Only Amanda and Kennedy – who remained behind, hoping to be with Willow – were there to attend the makeshift memorial service.

All were silent, lost in their thoughts about the last few days.

"Per – perhaps someone should say a few words," Giles suggested gently, ending the oppressive silence.

"Sh – she was a hero," Buffy began, voice wavering.  "It should have been me, but she was stronger.  She got it done when I couldn't."

"Damn straight she did," Kennedy mumbled, not caring who heard.  Willow gave her a warning glance.

"I think she went out like she always wanted," the surviving Slayer continued tearfully.  "Faith was always strong.  I – I think she always wanted to go out in a big battle."

"Yes," Wesley agreed softly.  "Faith was a warrior to the end.  This is just a small gesture compared to what she really deserves.  The world will never know that they were spared because she cared more about making it right than making it out alive."

The silence weighed heavily once more as they struggled with grief.

"I think we should go to the house," Buffy said softly, studying the faces around her.  Angel nodded at her.  He paused beside her and squeezed her hand before brushing past her to join the others as they slowly headed to the Summer's home.  She remained behind with Giles and Wesley.

As soon as everyone was out of earshot Wesley spoke once more.  "This is not your fault.  You know that Buffy.  Even if you'd have tied her up she would have found a way and still been there to shove you out when the hellmouth closed."

"My head knows, but my heart keeps telling me I should have been sealed with her."

"Then Dawn, the others and myself would be grieving over losing you … again," Giles said.

Buffy nodded solemnly.  Giles pulled her into a gentle hug then urged her after the others.  "You go on.  I'll be there in a minute."

When the blond was gone Giles turned to Wesley.  "I would like to talk to you."

Wesley smirked at the older man.  "I rather thought you would.  Have the survivors asked you to rebuild the council?"  It was more a statement than a question.

Giles took off his glasses and began to polish them.  "Ye – yes.  I'm not sure about accepting their offer."

"I think you should.  You've been out here on the hellmouth fighting beside one of the most talented Slayers ever.  You understand how it *should* work.  Giles, you can make a new council that doesn't use these girls, but helps them."

"I have thought about this.  If I do this, I need to consider the kind of Watchers I want, what the Slayers will need."

"Plus the numbers are depleted."

"Er – yes.  There is that too."

Wesley studied him for a moment.  "You're asking me to be a Watcher again."

"I'm asking you to consider it."  Giles looked at him thoughtfully.  "I know the work you've done for Angel is important.  Your experiences as a demon hunter would bring much to a new council.  You understand what it's like to fight out here too.  That is invaluable."

The former watcher swallowed and licked his lips nervously.  "I'll consider it, but I make no promises."

"That's all I ask."

"So do you have ideas for bringing in new blood?"

"W – well I'm considering Willow."

Wesley nodded sagely.  "Good choice.  A witch serving on the council could be very useful.  And she understands the fight and everything it entails.  Who else."

"Xander."

"Harris?  This isn't pity for the lad, I hope."

Giles shook his head.  "No.  He's been out here too.  Caleb understood Xander's contributions and abilities when none of us realized.  The insight he has brought over the last seven years has often turned the tide in our favor.  Although with the loss of his eye also leaves me wondering what he will do now.  He's more unsettled than he's ever been."  
  


"I can sympathize."

They began to walk toward the Summer's home.  "Wesley, if there is anyone you know …"

Excerpt from the journals of Rupert Giles, Head of the New Council of Watchers

_May 23, 2003_

_I've given this all careful consideration.  And I've come to the conclusion that I will accept this position.  Frankly, I think I accepted it in my mind and heart the moment they asked.  Wesley was right; the new council can help the Slayers, not hinder and hurt them._

_Angel, Connor and Wesley are leaving tonight to return to LA.  And Wesley has promised to consider returning to the new council.  His experiences will be a tremendous help in creating a foundation for the council.  He can help me teach and train the "new blood" that will be coming in.  And he assures me he will give this careful consideration.  He also believes he may know someone who would make an excellent Watcher._

Angel glanced at Wesley as he drove toward LA.  Wesley stared out the window, lost in thought.  "So Giles will be rebuilding the council."

Wesley turned to regard the vampire.  "I shouldn't be surprised you know this."

Angel shrugged.  "It's a given.  And he asked you to come back to the council, didn't he?"

Wes nodded.  "I told him I'd consider it."

"Are you going to do it?" Connor asked from the back seat.  "You'd have to go to England, right?"  
  


"I don't know yet if I'll do it.  And yes, if I did, I'd be returning to England."  Angel's face was unreadable as he watched the road and drove, speaking softly.  "There's a lot to consider.  As much as I'd hate you to leave, I'd understand if you wanted to do this.  Who else is he considering?"

"Willow for one."  

"She'd be good.  Plenty of experience fighting vamps and demons.  And very intelligent."

"He's also considering Harris."

If Angel was surprised, he didn't show it.  After a moment he spoke.  "I can see that.  Xander's loyal and quick.  People don't give him enough credit."  Wesley felt inclined to agree as they lapsed into silence once more.

Wes broke the silence after a few minutes.  "Giles has asked me to consider anyone I might know who would be an asset to bring to the new council."  Wesley studied Angel for a moment.  "I was considering asking Fred, but with things being quite strained between her and Gunn – and of course Gunn and myself – I'm not certain that would be in the best interest."

Angel was thoughtful.  "Maybe it's up to her.  I'd hate to lose either of you, but it is your decision.  Just think about it."  Wes sighed and returned his gaze to the passing scenery, taking advantage of the ride to do just that – think.

Excerpt from the journals of Rupert Giles, Head of the New Council of Watchers

_May 27, 2003_

_I have to consider how to approach Willow with my request.  She seems happy with Kennedy – who apparently is willing to stay in Sunnydale to be near Willow.  I just fear that she will feel obligated to accept my offer.  I realize I am most likely underestimating her, but I can't help but think that after her attempt to end the world last year she will feel compelled to do this.  Perhaps to make amends._

_While things seem to be going well for Willow, I worry about Xander.  I told Wesley that I wasn't making the offer for Xander to become a Watcher out of pity, but perhaps a small part is.  He's struggling to come to terms with the changes in his life right now.  He's lost an eye.  Anya has made it clear she's leaving Sunnydale – hoping to find somewhere where D'Hoffren cannot find her.  And he's feeling cut off from Willow.  Xander hasn't said as much to me, but I believe I know him well enough by now.  Willow is attempting to build a relationship with Kennedy – whom seems to disdain Xander to a slight degree.  Perhaps that's just the way she is naturally, because she seems to have that attitude with almost everyone._

_I have come to realize how much it would mean to me if they both accepted._

Giles paused in the doorway to the kitchen and watched Buffy, Willow and Dawn interact.  Kennedy pushed past him, giving him a look of annoyance and confusion.  She came up to Willow and placed an arm in hers, giving the Summers sisters a look that could be described as irritated.  The Watcher sighed, taking this as his cue to approach Willow.

"Er … Willow, I – I was wondering if I might talk to you for a moment.  Privately," he gave Kennedy a look that clearly brooked no argument.

"Uh, sure Giles."  The witch followed him out the back door into the yard.  Giles indicated for her to seat herself in one of the lawn chairs, then sat one in front of her and seated himself.  "A – as you know," he began.  "The Watcher's Council is in ruins.  Very few of us survived the First's attack against the line of the Slayer."

Willow nodded, confusion evident on her face.  He continued, "I have been asked to be the one to rebuild the council.  The others believe that my experience fighting with Buffy will be a tremendous asset."

The red head brightened, clearly happy for their mentor.  "That's great Giles.  You can fix those stupid rules the council had.  Oh – oh.  Maybe you guys can start archiving your journals and books online.  You know, so people like us can get the information we need right away!"

Giles looked horrified at the idea, then thoughtful.  "As much as I deplore the internet, you do have a point."  He became a little animated.  "See that's exactly why your knowledge is useful to me.  You understand what it is like trying to fight this battle and to try to find the knowledge that could lead to victory.  You've always been very – eh, very astute."  
  


"I'm no rocket-scientist," Willow said blushing.  "But I guess I'm pretty darn smart."  
  


"Ye – yes you are.  That's why I want to ask you to consider something for me."  She looked at him curiously.  "Okay," she said.

"I would like you to join the new council."

Willow looked shocked.  "Me?  I – I don't know …"

"Just give it some consideration before you give me your answer."

Willow shot out of her seat.  "Giles I … I don't think I can."  She looked at him, slowly growing irritated.  "I mean, there's Kennedy now.  And I know that the hellmouth's sealed, but you said there's left over mystic energy that will still draw evil here.  Although not as much as before.  So you know it's almost like a break.  And going to England.  I've – I've been there.  Not a vacation, mind you.  But it's England.  That's where the council will be, right?"

Giles nodded, "Yes.  At least for now.  All the former council's resources are there.  Perhaps in time we could move to California."

She was pacing.  "But that could take a long time.  You know, my family's here.  And – and school.  I still haven't graduated college.  I'd like to do that.  Kennedy's moving here.  And," she looked at Giles and became sad.  "I'll think about it, but I don't think so."  With that she turned and began for the house.

"Willow," Giles called softly.  She turned to look at him questioning.  "I ask you not to say anything to anyone, but I'm going to ask Xander."

The young woman looked almost grieved at this.  "Oh," was all she managed to whisper and she turned and entered the house.

Excerpt from the journals of Rupert Giles, Head of the New Council of Watchers

_May 28, 2003_

_My request to Willow yesterday did not go as well as I'd hoped.  She has promised to consider it, although her answer will clearly be no.  I admit I am disappointed.  She would be an asset to the new council, but also I would be as proud as a father to have her join in this work.  But I would be proud of her no matter what.  Although it does hurt to know she will not be coming along.  I wish I could take them all with me when I leave for England.  But Buffy is needed here, as much as it breaks my heart to leave her here again.  She will have Spike and Dawn to assist her in her Slaying duties.  And apparently Kennedy and Willow._

_What nearly broke my heart yesterday was Willow's pain at discovering I am going to ask Xander to come to England to join the council.  I am not sure, but I think she believes he will accept._

Xander was trying to settle back into his apartment.  He hadn't had it to himself in … He paused, unsure of how long it had been since this whole ordeal had started.  He sighed.  Sitting alone in his apartment thinking about the past few weeks wasn't his idea of fun.  Work was out of the question, at least for now.  Xander needed the time to get used to the limitations to his vision, and his boss thought it would be too dangerous at the job site until then.  That is, if they don't think I'm useless, he thought bitterly.

He walked to his refrigerator and pulled out a beer, glad none of the potentials had the time to sit around and get curious and sample his alcohol supply.  He heard knock at his door and debated ignoring it.  But he decided it might be better for him and try to chase them off then have to endure constant knocking and phone calls if it was one of his friends worrying about him.  He felt the bitterness well up again.  Not Willow.  She's too busy with Kennedy. 

Giles was standing there when Xander opened his door.  "May I come in?"  Xander poked his head out through the door and glanced at the sky.  I was a sunny day out.  Giles smiled and waved his arm through the open doorway.

The younger man gave him a lopsided smile – that appeared a little strained to the Watcher – and stepped aside to let him in.  "So what brings the G-man by?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"Okay," Xander dropped down onto the couch, not even spilling a drop of his beer.  "Shoot."

Giles sat down in the recliner and studied Xander.  "Are you alright?"

"Like Faith says, five by five."  Xander swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat at the thought of the departed Slayer.  The older man looked at him sadly. 

"So," Xander said, clearing his throat.  "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"I have something to ask you and I want you to take a few days to consider things before giving me an answer."  Xander was unmistakably curious.  "Okay."

Giles studied Xander, realizing for perhaps the first time that he was looking at a man and not the boy he once was.  He felt pride and sorrow squeeze his heart.  Pride that this man had grown to be remarkable person and sorrow at the loss of his innocence so early in life.  But Giles took comfort in the fact that Xander had managed to retain a small amount of his boyishness.  The harshness of the life they lived hadn't crushed him.  Giles found Xander giving him a worried look.

"Right," the Watcher said.  "You probably realize that I'll be rebuilding the council?"  The dark haired man gave an affirmative nod.  "With so few of us that survived," he continued, "our numbers are so low that we have to seek out new people to train as Watchers."

"That's a given."

"Ah – yes."  Giles removed his glasses and began to polish them.  He placed them back on and returned his focus to Xander.  "My first considerations are people who have been close to the battle line so to speak.  People who have experience fighting vampires and demons and know all about research and the key role it plays."

"And …?" Xander prompted when Giles was silent for a few seconds.

"Xander, would you consider returning to England with me to train as a Watcher?"

The young man looked floored.  "Why me?"  His brows knitted together.  "Wouldn't Willow be a better choice than me?"

"I've also asked her.  As for you, you are experienced in fighting, as I said.  And you are perceptive.  An excellent trait that even Caleb understood.  And I've never known anyone as loyal as you.  You would be a welcome addition.  In the tradition of the old council, watchers came from every generation within the family.  My grandmother and my father were watchers.  Had I married and had children at least one of them would have followed in my footsteps.  Despite whether or not they wanted to.  But with recent developments, it has given me the chance to *ask* two of my – my children to consider becoming Watchers."

Xander looked dumbstruck.  He couldn't speak for a while, then looked up at the man who was like a father to him – the man who admitted to feeling the same way.  "This isn't because you feel sorry for me?  The whole one-eye thing?"

"Of course not.  I meant every word I've said."

The young man nodded.  "Uh … okay.  I'll – I'll think about it.  When do you need an answer?"

"Whenever you decide.  But I will be leaving for England in two weeks.  So anytime after that, you will have to call me."

"Uh huh.  Right."

Giles rose to leave.  "I am proud of you Xander," he assured softly.  "I don't care what your answer is.  I'll always think of you as my son."  He reached out and squeezed his "son's" shoulder.  On that note he left the stunned man sitting in his suddenly confining apartment.

TBC …


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer in part 1

AN:  Thanks to everyone for the feedback.  I know some of you have said you can't see Xander becoming a watcher, and I can see where you're coming from.  But I can kind of see it.  I hope you can enjoy the story anyways.

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Chronicles of the New Watchers

Book One:  The Chosen Ones

*

Spike: Giles here is gonna teach me to be a Watcher. Says I got the stuff.

Giles: Spike's like a son to me.

Xander: That's good. I was into that for a while, but... I got other stuff goin' on.

"Restless"

*

Chapter Two Excerpt from the journals of Wesley Wyndham-Price, member of the Central Council 

June 2, 2003

I have given the matter much thought and have decided to accept the offer Giles has made.  It was not an easy decision to make, however.  After our ordeal with Cordelia's "possession" and our adventure with Jasmine I feel loathe leaving them, but the growing tension between Gunn and myself over Fred has put a serious strain on Angel Investigations.  And a small part of me has always desired to return to the council, although I could not see that happening with our different views on how this war against evil should be waged.

After Giles asked me if I had anyone in mind to be trained as a Watcher, I admit Fred came to mind.  Most likely a selfish wish on my part, but I do believe she could make an impressive Watcher.  Her intelligence and ingenuity is rivaled by no one.  I know this to be true, not just some romantic exaggeration on my part.

But I find myself unsure of making this request.

Wesley stood alone in the lobby of the Hyperion.  Fred, Lorne and Cordelia were upstairs, while Angel, Connor and Gunn were out slaying demons.  He had made the phone call to Giles with his answer the day before.  So he was surprised to look up from the counter and see the older Watcher enter the old hotel.  "Giles, I didn't mean for you to come to LA when I gave you my answer."

"I felt the need to get away from Sunnydale to give the others time to think."  Wes nodded.  "Neither Willow nor Xander have given you a decision?"

Giles sighed.  "Willow's will be the negative, she admitted as much.  And Xander seems very confused over the whole notion."

"Understandable, really."

"Have you informed the others of your plans?"

The younger man rubbed wearily at his face, then looked at Giles.  "I've told the others of your offer, but only Angel knows my final decision.  I told him yesterday before calling you.  It wasn't as easy as I thought."

"It never is.  I hate to beleaguer a point, but do you have someone in mind for training with the Council?"

Fred had been making her way softly down the stairs when she had heard their conversation.  They had their backs to her so she remained unnoticed.  She had stopped when she heard their talk about the council.  Fred mentally reminded herself it was impolite to eavesdrop, but she felt sorrow at the thought of Wesley leaving.  

"I was considering asking Fred, but I don't think that's wise.  She and Gunn only recently separated.  They may have a chance to work things out and my offer would only complicate things."

"So you won't even think of asking her?"

Wes shook his head.  "It's probably best if I don't."

Fred found herself confused with the newfound information.  She turned and hurried upstairs before either man could realize she had overheard them.  The men continued their conversation none the wiser.

Excerpt from the journals of Rupert Giles, Head of the New Council of Watchers 

June 4, 2003

I will be returning to Sunnydale tomorrow.  There is much to get done before I leave for England next week.  I am hoping to have a definitive answer from both Willow and Xander by then.  It would make settling into my new role with the council easier.  But I have promised not to pressure them.

I had informed Buffy, Dawn, Anya and even Spike of my plans, leaving Xander and Willow out of the story.  That is for them to tell their friends.  Although I suppose one could argue that it is mine also, but I think this is something the two of them need to decide for themselves – not me.

Wesley has made arrangements to be on the same flight back to England.  I will fly to Los Angeles from Sunnydale, and then we will fly together.  I'm not sure if he will be seated near me or not.  But that's neither here nor there.

Xander swallowed nervously and wiped sweaty palms on his jeans before opening the door to Buffy's house.  "Hello," he called when he didn't hear or see anyone in the immediate vicinity.  Making his way to the kitchen, he thought he heard laughter from the back yard.  His nerves increased as he thought about what he had come to tell them.  He was unsure as to whether he was glad Giles was in Los Angeles or not.  The man's support might have been good about now.

After all, he wasn't sure he had Willow's.

He opened the door and stepped onto the back porch.  Buffy, Dawn, Anya, Willow and Kennedy were laughing at some unknown joke or story and Xander toyed with the idea of turning tail and running.  Dawn looked up and squealed with delight.  "Xander!"  She bounced up to him.  "I am so curious about this big secret of yours.  I mean, it must be big if you wanted everyone here to tell us!"

"Um, yeah."  He sighed.  "Why don't we go down to the basement?  I suppose I should let Soul-boy junior in on the secret."  Buffy shrugged and they all paraded into the house and down to Spike's "room."

"Chubs," Spike greeted in a bored voice.  "Seems the girls are anxious to hear what you've got to say."

"Nope.  No pressure here," Xander mumbled.  He looked at the "scoobies;" his eyes resting on Willow the longest.  Kennedy seemed irritated with the whole thing.

Willow felt her heart sink.  She believed she knew what was coming.

"We all know the G-man is heading back to fix-up the Council and all, right?  Well, you know how the old tradition was to, you know, train your kids to carry on the family business so to speak."  He paused and studied his feet for a second, then looked back up.  "But Giles never got married and had kids, so there's no mini-watchers waiting in the wings.  So he has to make due with what he's got."

"Xander, what are you getting at?" Buffy asked confusion and the beginning of understanding covered her face.

"Guess I'd better get to the point."

"That'd be useful," Kennedy complained.  Willow looked at her anger and sadness suffusing her features.  "Kennedy," she warned.

"Giles asked me if I'd join the council."

Everyone had varying degrees of surprise on their face.  "Are … are you going to do it?" Dawn asked softly.

Xander bit his bottom lip and nodded.

"What about your job?" Willow questioned almost hysterical.  Xander was leaving her, possibly forever.  "Your life is here!"

"Some life!" he snapped.  "I lost my job, Will.  I know I could still do the work, but my boss thinks I can't.  Thanks to the new pirate look I'm sporting!"  He deflated.  "Your life is here, not mine.  Not anymore."

Tears filled Willow's eyes.  She turned and took the stairs out of the basement two at a time.  Kennedy gave Xander a poisonous look.  "It's a good thing you're leaving," she hissed.  "For Will's sake."  And she went after Willow.

"I fuckin' love you too Ken!" Xander yelled at her retreating back.

He turned to a teary-eyed trio of Buffy, Dawn and Anya.  Spike rolled his eyes as they launched themselves at Xander

"You're really leaving?" Buffy asked in sad disbelief. 

"I thought long and hard about this Buff.  As much as it hurts to leave you guys, I need to do this."

"Kinda like after your senior year?" Dawn asked in a whisper.

"Yeah, except without the whole Oxnard experience.  I just have to find out what to do now."

"You can't leave," Anya insisted, her voice breaking.

He pulled away from the three of them.  "Ahn, you're leaving too."

"I know, but this is your home.  I can't believe you're leaving your home."

"You can visit me in England."

Her face brightened.  "Oh, good."

Dawn sniffled and Xander squeezed her again.  Buffy and Anya gently wrapped themselves around him again as he started to cry with them.  Spike studied them sadly as he lit a cigarette.

Excerpt from the journals of Alexander Harris, Watcher 

June 8 2003

Well, now that I'm going to be training to be a watcher, I guess I get to do the journal thing like the G-man. 

When I become a Watcher, do I have to wear tweed?

I haven't seen Will since I told everyone my decision.  Whenever I go to Buffy's she's either hides in her room with Kennedy or she makes sure she already gone.  I don't know how handle this, it hurts so much.  But she doesn't realize how much I need to do this.  I need to find out who I can be outside of the whole Hellmouth Slayerette deal.  Fighting by Buffy's side defined who I am – which isn't a bad thing necessarily.  But now that the Hellmouth's sealed things will be noticeably calmer and I kind of wonder where it would leave me if I stay.  I lost my job, which I admit I loved.  That job proved that immature, screw-off Xander can be an adult.  I felt good to know that even though I didn't do the whole college gig, I could do something.  And I was good at it.  But now I lost my eye, which is redefining me, I guess.

Willow can't understand that all this has changed me.  But I don't know who I'm changing into and it terrifies me.

Xander was packing his belongings. He would be leaving in five days to start a new life in England.  Picking up a picture frame to wrap, he paused to study it.  I was an old picture of him and Willow sophomore year in high school.  He knew both Willow and Buffy had a copy of the same photo.

Willow couldn't come to grips with the fact that Xander was leaving.  And it hurt that she didn't know him anymore.  The old team of Willow and Xander would have known the others decision and understood why.  Then again, the old Willow and Xander would either go together or stay together.  The new people they had become over the past year didn't connect like that.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the doorbell.  Opening the door revealed Anya.  "Xander, come to the Bronze," his ex-fiancé insisted.

"I'm packing Ahn.  It's something you want to have finished **before** you move."

"I realize that," she said with a roll of her eyes.  "But you can't take a break for the night."  She grabbed him by the arm and began to tug him out the door.

"Okay, okay."  She released his arm.  "I'll go.  Let me get my jacket."

They walked down the night-darkened streets, Xander lost in silent thought.  "Have you seen Will the last couple of days?" he asked suddenly.

Anya shook her head sadly.  "Sorry.  I think she's gone into hiding.  Dawn's trying to lure her out to the Bronze tonight."

Xander halted and the ex-vengeance demon stopped too.  "Is this some sort of plot to get us talking?"

Anya scoffed.  "Well, of course.  What did you think this was all about?"

"I thought it was somebody taking a friend out to cheer him up."

"Well, that too.  Come on!"  She started walking again and he had no choice but follow.

When they got to the Bronze, it was unusually quiet – even for a Sunday night.  The club was dark when they entered and Xander became instantly alert.  He imagined vampires lurking in the inky blackness.

So he was understandably surprised when the lights came on and he was greeted with everyone in the club jumping out and shouting "surprise."  Surprised so much in fact, that he nearly fell backwards.

"Yes, I thought it was a bit much too," Giles said dryly as he stepped toward the shocked man.  "But Buffy and the others felt you needed a 'going away' party and I felt inclined to agree in this case."  He reached up and squeezed Xander's shoulders.  "I am always proud of you, but I am pleased to know you'll be joining me," the Watcher said with heart-felt emotion.  Xander offered him a faintly embarrassed smile.

Xander studied the room and felt his heart sink when he didn't see Willow.  "Niblet's not here with Red yet," Spike said from behind him.  He turned to look at the vampire.  "You're looking for Will," Spike explained.  "If anyone can get her to come, it's Dawnie.  When have you ever known anyone who could say no to her?"

Smiling sadly Xander nodded his head in agreement. 

"So," Spike began.  "Off to jolly old England to wear tweed and write in a diary."

"Something like that, yeah."  The bleach-blond vampire studied Xander.  "Never figured it to be your thing a few years ago.  But now, I suppose I can see it."

Xander bristled.  "What's that supposed to mean?  You mean now that I'm missing my eye this is all I can do?"

Spike sighed in frustration and resisted the impulse to roll his eyes.  "No.  What I mean," he said slowly as though speaking to a child, "is that you've been doing the slaying gig for what?  Seven years now.  You know everything there is about dealing with demons.  Hell, you've even lived with two demons at separate times.  Where you might not have been interested in the whole Watcher's gig in the past, now you've grown up and realize that wankin' council needs someone who bloody well knows how to do the job and fight the big bad."

Xander looked sheepish.  "Oh."

"You really need to get over this whole 'don't pity me 'cause I lost my eye' thing," the vampire insisted with mild disgust and aggravation.  "I haven't seen it limit you as much as you believe it does."  

A few minutes later, Xander sat with Buffy when Dawn entered the Bronze with a nervous Willow and an aggravated Kennedy in tow.  Xander felt like a fist was squeezing his heart.  Willow looked like a lost child, scared and alone.  He politely excused himself and got up to meet his oldest friend in the middle of the club.  Dawn grabbed Kennedy and drug her over to where Xander had left Buffy.  Kennedy was clearly not pleased.

"Will," Xander said softly.  "I … I'm glad Dawnie convinced you to come."

"I – I guess I really didn't need **that** much convincing," she explained uncertainly.  Then she propelled herself into Xander's arms.  "You're leaving me," she said in disbelief.  "You're really going to leave me."

Xander squeezed her tightly.  "I'm not leaving **you** Will.  But this is something I need to do."  He pulled away and studied her face.  "Just like you feel like you need to stay here, I feel like I need to leave.  And believe me, it wasn't an easy decision to make.  I agonized for days.  But …"  He drew in a shuddering breath.  "I thought about what the Watchers were like before.  What Travers did to Buffy and how they've been for hundreds of years.  They've always treated the Slayer like she was their tool.  A means to an end.  Buffy, Faith or any other Slayer never mattered to them.  I can help Giles and Wes change that.  And this whole war against the First, it changed me."  He held up a hand to stop whatever she opened her mouth to say.  "I don't just mean losing an eye.  Although, yeah, life altering.  It's the whole thing.  I don't have powers.  I don't have Slayer strength or magical, wicca powers.  But I told Dawnie because of all that I can watch everyone.  She told me maybe my power is seeing and knowing."

Willow gasped.  "Yeah," he continued.  "Caleb thought the same thing.  That's why he took my eye."

"I – I understand why you want to do this," Willow agreed in a whisper.  "But how can it be so easy for you to leave me?  And – and Buffy and Dawn."

He sighed unhappily.  "It's not easy.  The most important things never are.  But you could have come.  You could have accepted Giles' offer.  I know you'd make a great Watcher.  So I guess I can't see how you could give up an opportunity like this," he said, a tint of bitterness creeping into his voice.

She looked at him, hurt.  "Kennedy is staying here to be with me.  I want to give this relationship a chance.  And I can help Buffy if I stay.  How do you not know this?"

"Like I said, Will.  All this has changed me.  And I really don't know much of anything anymore."

Willow looked at the floor.  Then she stepped toward him and hugged him again.  "Let's not fight about it," she insisted her voice breaking.  "Let's just accept it and enjoy your last days here."  Xander dropped a kiss on the top of her head.  "Sounds like a plan."

TBC …


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer in chapter one.

***

Chronicles of the New Watchers

Book One:  The Chosen Ones

*

Xander:  Well, there are no boxes for 'none of the above'. That would introduce too many variables into their mushroom head, number-crunching little world.

Willow:  I'm sensing bitterness.

Xander:  No, it's just these people can't tell from one multiple-choice test what we're gonna be doing for the rest of our lives. It's ridiculous!

Willow:  I'm kinda curious to find out what sort of career I could have.

"What's My Line Part 1

*

Chapter Three 

Excerpt from the journals of Wesley Wyndham-Price, member of the Central Council 

_June 14, 2003_

_Giles and Xander are staying here in Los Angeles for two days before the three of us fly off to England.  I find it hard as the day draws closer to leaving Angel, Fred and the others.  But I would never forgive myself if I gave up this opportunity.  In the past year I felt as though I were lost.  I have become a man I never thought myself of being capable.  Even Faith had been shocked by my methods while she was here.  I only did what I felt was necessary.  A means to an End.  But I hated this man that I was every step of the way._

_What Giles has offered me is not only to become a Watcher again, but a chance to suss out who I was, who I am and who I will be._

Wesley had moved into the hotel for his last few days in America.  Part of it was practical – breaking his lease on his apartment first thing – and part was emotional.  He wanted to be near the others.  Especially Fred.

He had decided not to offer her the position with the council, which Giles assured him he understood.  But the idea was still tempting – especially if she were to accept.  The two of them would be all the way across the globe with no Charles Gunn between them.

Wesley shook himself out of his musings as Xander came down the stairs with the object of his desires, both laughing at some anecdote the new Watcher had shared with Fred.  Wes smiled a little at them.  They seemed to have the same sense of humor.  They hit it off as friends immediately and acted as though they had known each other forever.  He had to admit, he was a little jealous, but also amused at their instant bonding.  He knew Xander was having a difficult time with leaving Willow behind.  And Fred managed to ease his pain by sharing a joke or quick laugh with the dark-haired man.

"Hey Wes," Xander said as soon as he spotted Wesley sitting in the lobby.  "Wanna come with for some ice cream?  You know, I've never known man or beast who could keep up with me at eating, but Fred sure can!"

"Yes, so I've noticed.  It's all right, go on without me.  Giles had something he wanted to discuss with me."

Xander shrugged.  "Suit yourself."  Fred looked at Wes oddly – in his opinion.  Ever since he had told the others his decision to return to England, it was as if she were trying to solve a puzzle and he held the key.  Before he could consider the matter further she and Xander were gone.

Wesley pushed to his feet and made his way upstairs to Giles' room.  He tapped lightly on the door.

"Come in."

Wes opened the door and saw Giles sorting through the handful of books he had in his luggage.  "You wanted to speak with me," he reminded the older man.

"Ah – ah.  Yes I did.  Sorry just looking through some of the old Watcher's journals.  I've been trying to get a handle on how I should approach rebuilding the council.  I feel as though I'm flying blind here, so to speak."

"I can imagine.  This whole thing really has you worried, doesn't it?"

"Of course.  Being in this position is somewhere I never thought I'd find myself.  I'm sure every Watcher has imagined what it would be like to be in charge of the council.  Haven't you?"

Wesley's face colored.  "Yes, you're right.  And you're afraid this power with corrupt you."

"A – a little.  That's why I hope the people I've chosen for the Central Council will be a counter to that."

"Who have you chosen?"

"Well, Sam Zabuto and James Robson for starters."

"Zabuto is a wise choice.  Very respected."

"One of my other choices is you." 

The younger man was shocked.  "Me?  Are you sure?"

"Quite sure.  I believe you are the best choice.  Even better than Zabuto.  All along I've stressed how important it is for Watchers to be in a position to understand what the Slayer goes through."

"I was only Buffy's watcher for a short time."

"Yes, but you've been fighting by Angel's side for four years now.  The council wanted to destroy him, but you were steadfast.  You understand the shades of gray.  Perhaps better than I can."

"The incident with Spike?"

Giles looked shame-faced.  "Yes.  Buffy has only just gotten back to speaking to me.  I didn't stop to realize that she was in charge, not me."

"Are you sure about this?  Choosing me to be on the Central Council?"

"Very." 

"All right then."

**Excerpt from the journals of Rupert Giles, Head of the New Council of Watchers**

_June 17, 2003_

_I'd forgotten how loud Xander could snore.  The passengers are staring at him as though he were a Gafnar demon.  Horribly loud snorting noises they make.  I'm not sure if it's their form of communication or simply a way of irritating their enemies so much that they will become distracted._

_Wesley is reading a book on transdimensional travel that he's brought with him.  Judging by the fact that he hasn't even bothered to look up from the pages, I'd wager it's fascinating.  Since he and Xander are otherwise occupied I have the chance to catch up on writing in my journal._

_Since the destruction of the old Council we are seriously lacking in research material.  All we have is what I had stolen from them before Caleb blew up the headquarters.  We also have all my books that I brought with me when I became Buffy's Watcher and the ones I've collected since.  And Wesley has quite a few volumes on demon lore and such.  He and I are having our books shipped to Devon.  Although Wesley has loaned some of them to Angel and the others for as long as they might need them.  This I understand – I did the same for Buffy._

_I realize I am anxious for our arrival in England.  I feel a mix of excitement at rebuilding the Council and a sort of homesickness – much like I felt the last two times I left Buffy.  I may have been born in England and lived there for most of my life before becoming her watcher, but my home became Sunnydale the moment I realized I thought of her as my daughter.  I will miss her, Dawn and Willow terribly.  My daughters.  But with Xander here perhaps the ache will not be so great_.

Xander was caught in a horrible dream.  He was reliving the day Caleb blinded his eye.  But in this nightmare – much like the others before – Xander lost both of his eyes.  The young man was watching himself as it happened.  Caleb putting out his eyes, leaving behind those scarred, eyeless sockets of the bringers.  He couldn't help but whimper in emotional agony as he watched the dream play out.  Xander the Bringer would use his knife to slash away at the Potentials.  He tried to scream out as he watched, warning everyone to run.  But no sound but those pitiful whimpers and moans of pain would come out of his mouth.  Then the Bringer he had become would hack a path toward Giles, Buffy, Willow, Dawn and Anya, where he would cut them down.

Xander bolted upright in his seat with a cry filled with horror and grief.  The people seated near him on the airplane stared at him in confusion and curiosity.  Giles face was before him, filled with concern.  Xander could see Wesley on the other side of the older man watch him with sympathy.  "I'm fine," Xander muttered before either man could ask.  "Just a dream."

"Have – have you been having these dreams often?" Giles asked softly.

Xander swallowed, trying to push the images out of his head.  "Uh … yeah.  It's just …"

"Xander," Wes began, voice hushed.  "It's understandable to have nightmares, considering all that's happened."

"I – I know.  I don't … I don't wanna talk about it right now.  Okay?"

Giles studied his face then nodded with a sigh.

Excerpt from the journals of Alexander Harris, Watcher 

_June 27, 2003_

_Okay, I've had a few days to settle down here.  So I figure it's time to get back to this journal thing.  I got to meet the coven that helped Will out after her little stint with the dark side.  Nice folks.  _

_Anyway, Giles isn't real concerned with setting up headquarters so much as just getting started consulting with some of the surviving Watchers on how he should approach this whole thing.  For now, the base of operations is this mansion – or as he and Wes say, estate – here in Devon.  Actually not far from the coven._

_And I never knew how much it rains here.  Really annoying._

_I've been busy with this whole thing, but it doesn't mean I don't have the time to miss Willow and Buffy.  God, I kind of wonder what I'm really doing.  This part of me keeps telling me to pack up and go home to Sunnydale.  Then the other part reminds that part that this is something I want to do.  Somewhere down the road, I'll know who I'm supposed to be now._

Xander wrinkled his nose in annoyance as he watched the rainfall outside.  He sighed and pressed his forehead against the windowpane.  Rain was something he normally didn't mind, since it didn't come to Sunnydale often.  But apparently it was a familiar thing in England.  It wouldn't have been so frustrating if it weren't for the fact that he was suffering from homesickness at the moment.  So the bleak weather matched his mood.

He turned away from the window in disgust.  Silently berating himself for being foolish, he went to seek out Giles or Wesley.  Maybe there was some training or research that could be done.  Or he'd even settle for organizing the books that just came in.  All their belongings had arrived a few days after their arrival and the two veteran Watchers had gone straight for their collection of books.  There were also books from other Watchers – a few who were staying in the mansion with them.

Xander stopped and kicked at an imaginary obstacle in his path.  He needed to get out of the funk he'd found himself in.  There was one thing he hoped would help.  The young man hurried to his destination.

When he entered the room, he was glad to find no one was in the kitchen.  Not even one of the five servants – a cook, butler and three maids.  Someone had to keep the house running and clean, especially with nine other people currently living under the roof.  Sam Zabuto and James Robson were currently sharing the house with the California trio, along with four other new Watchers to train beside Xander.

Xander opened the refrigerator and started rummaging through the food.

"Are you really hungry Mr. Harris or is it boredom that has you looting the icebox?" a cultured British accent questioned behind him.  

Xander pulled out the ingredients for a sandwich, and then turned to smile at Sam Zabuto.  "A little of both."

"It is a wonder we have food in this house between you and Mr. Robson.  I still find myself amazed at the amounts of food the two of you can ingest."  Zabuto gave Xander a smile, assuring him that the older man was teasing.

"Up for a sandwich?"

Zabuto shook his head.  "I've already had a small lunch, thank you.  I was in fact sent to find you."

Xander looked at the man curiously and shrugged, starting to make his sandwich.  "Giles need me?"

"He does.  But it's nothing that is direly important.  You finish your lunch and I go inform him you'll be along shortly."

"'Kay."

Xander watched as the black man left.  He wondered what was going on.

Excerpt from the journals of Rupert Giles, Head of the New Council of Watchers 

_June 27, 2003_

_Xander seems to be doing his best to settle in here, although he still seems distracted.  But he manages, for the most part, to be his usual jovial self.  He and Wesley seem to get on well, which eases my mind.  I worried about bringing the lad so far from home and the people he loves.  My fear was he would have no one he could relate to and would begin to feel isolated.  I suppose I shouldn't doubt him._

_But I realize he is restless right now.  He is at a loss of what to do next.  So I proposed Wesley take him into London when he goes to pick up some books from one of the magic shops.  It might be nice for Xander to get out of the house._

Xander found Giles in his study after he finished his lunch.  "You needed me, G-man?"

"Yes, and please refrain from calling me that."  Xander sat in the chair placed in front of Giles' desk.  

"So what's up?"

"I was wondering if you were interested in accompanying Wesley into London to pick up some books the Council has ordered.  Maybe you would like to get out for the day."

"Sure," Xander agreed easily.  "Maybe I'll find some presents in town to send the girls."

Giles smiled.  "That would be a wonderful idea.  I'm sure they miss you."

The young man gave him a small smile.  "I know.  They miss you too, you know."

"I know," he said with a nod.  "And I miss them."

"Is this how it felt for you each time you left?"  Xander's face showed signs of sorrow.  "You know, I'm glad I'm here.  Doing this and all.  But it's hard with them half-way across the world."

"Yes.  When I left, it hurt very much.  But it becomes bearable; because you know it's something you need to do.  Besides we're not completely cut off from them.  There's the phone and letters."

"And e-mail," Xander added with a little cheer.  "Easiest way to get a hold of Will."

Giles looked distressed at the idea of using the internet to communicate with the others.  "I'll leave that to you."  Xander nodded with a knowing smirk.

"Why don't you go find Wesley and tell him you've agreed to go along?"  Xander gave Giles a grateful smile and left the den.

Excerpt from the journals of Wesley Wyndham-Price, member of the Central Council 

_June 27, 2003_

_I'd forgotten how nasty Fornole demons could be.  I doubt I'll ever get the orange stains from their blood out.  Not to mention the green mucus.  I was foolish to believe a simple trip into London to pick up some books could run smoothly.  Next time I'll insist Giles go instead._

_Xander was lucky that he only got a few cuts and this nasty goo covering him.  Xander had been between the hiding demon and myself.  And without his eye he has a blind spot.  The thing came at us from his blind side.  Luckily Xander's instinct is sharp from seven years of fighting demons.  He heard it before it could strike._

_But I believe this means we'll have to step up his training.  He'll need to learn to be alert and compensate for this limitation._

Xander was gasping for air and leaned heavily against the workout bag.  Since the demon attack nearly a week ago, Giles and Wesley were pushing him in his fight training.  But they could never push him as hard as he pushed himself.

"We should take a break," Giles insisted from where he held the workout bag in place so Xander wouldn't fall.  "You've had enough of a work out for today."

"No!" Xander snapped standing upright.  "At least thirty minutes left in my workout time."

"Xander, while I agree we need to hone your fighting skills, you cannot punish yourself like this.  At the pace you've set for yourself you'll end up injuring yourself."

"I'm fine," he ground out through clenched teeth.  "I can do this.  I don't need you babying me just cause I have a little problem with a missing eye!"

"I realize you feel limited, which I'll agree you are to a point.  But you can't make up for it by pushing yourself until you are hurt or sick."

"Either you help me, or leave.  I can beat up on a punching bag fine on my own."

Giles was growing frustrated.  "Xander," he warned.

"Don't mess with me G-man.  I'm not in the fuckin' mood."

Giles sighed and acquiesced.  The young man's mood had become increasingly dark over the intervening days since the Fornole demon had attacked.  He was beginning to worry about how far Xander was willing to push himself and what it would do to the young man if he continued at this pace.

TBC …


	4. Chapter Four

Chronicles of the New Watchers

Book One:  The Chosen Ones

Xander:  Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledgehammer, but, gosh, we did that last night.

"When She Was Bad"

*

Xander: I just mean ... you can't protect yourself from ... some stuff.

Buffy: I'm way ahead of you, big brother.

"Restless"

Chapter Four Excerpt from the journals of Alexander Harris, Watcher 

July 4, 2003

I can't believe how pissed I am at Giles right now.  He's forcing me to take the day off from training.  It's been a week since Wesley and I had to take out that damn Fornole demon.  It could have easily taken us out if he wasn't so fucking loud.  Lucky I heard the son of a bitch coming.

Giles tells me I shouldn't write out cuss words in my journal, but I don't fucking care right now.  

See that?  F-U-C-K-I-N-G.  I lost my eye so I have this goddamned blind spot.  But I'm going to make sure it doesn't kill me.  I going to keep pushing until I'm strong enough and fast enough to make sure I don't get killed.  Or get anyone else killed.

Damn, it's the fourth of July.  England sure as hell doesn't celebrate it.  I think I'll call Will and Buffy.

Giles observed Xander talking animatedly on the phone.  He used his shoulder to hold the receiver to his ear as he waved his hands about as he explained something to the party on the other end.  _Willow or Buffy most likely_, he thought.  To the casual observer Xander would appear to be his usual happy self as he talked, but Giles knew better.  There was a rigidity in the way he moved, and a clipped way he spoke since the demon attack a week ago.  His temper flared constantly and he also swore long and frequently.  Xander was pushing himself and the strain was showing.

The older Watcher was sure the girls could sense this harsh change in him even over the phone lines.  How could they not?  Giles removed his glasses and polished them as he watched Xander.  He was unsure how to reach him now.  The lad was becoming a different person.  But it shouldn't surprise him.  Xander had faced much over the last year, much like the rest of them.  The law of averages demanded that it catch up to them sooner or later.  That would explain the strain everyone felt in the days leading to his departure with Xander.  And it looked like the younger man was finally cracking under the stress.

Xander turned in his seat and spotted Giles watching him.  Resentment played across his features briefly, but long enough for Giles to see it.  He sighed and placed his glasses back on.

"Is that Buffy?"

Xander nodded the affirmative.  "Hold on a sec Buff," he said into the phone then placed his hand over the mouthpiece.  "You wanna talk?"

Giles smiled reassuringly.  "For a moment, if you don't mind."  The young man shrugged and passed off the phone.

"Buffy," Giles said warmly into the receiver.

"Giles!  Happy Fourth."  She giggled slightly.  "But they don't celebrate Independence Day there, so I'm sure you're not down with all the fireworks and stuff."

"No, not here.  Al – although I don't mind fireworks.  Rather entertaining."  He watched as Xander rose and walked to the other side of the room.  He sighed and Buffy clearly heard it.

"What's wrong with Xander?  I could tell something's wrong when I was talking to him.  Was he hurt and doesn't want to worry us?  Is he not happy there?"  She was speaking rapidly.

Giles turned his back to the other man and lowered his voice.  "He and Wesley were attacked by a demon while in London a week ago."

"Oh, is that all?"  Buffy paused.  "They weren't seriously hurt, right.  I mean, they – they're used to all that."   Giles could hear the worry in her voice.  "No, they weren't seriously injured," he reassured.  "Its just affected Xander rather badly.  The demon attacked from his blind side.  He heard it, luckily, and was able to dodge aside."

"Oh no, Giles.  He's feeling kinda helpless, isn't he?  He's pissed, huh?"

"I'm afraid so.  He's been pushing himself in his training.  I'm afraid he's on the verge of a breakdown."

"I guess we all should have known it was coming.  We were under a ton of stress trying to fight the First.  I was watching Passions the other day with Spike and something they said made me start crying.  I didn't stop for three hours.  Three hours, Giles!  I think we're all going to break at some point."

"I realize that.  I just fear that he'll hurt himself in someway before he breaks down and lets it out."

Buffy sucked in a sharp breath.  "That's it!  Will, Dawnie and I are on the first flight out!"

Giles glanced nervously over his shoulder to see if Xander was listening, and then turned back.  "No – no, Buffy.  Give us a few days.  He was doing so well before this attack.  He was managing to settle in very nicely.  This has been hard for him to be away from all of you, especially Willow.  But he and Wesley have been getting on well and Sam Zabuto seems to be impressed with Xander.  He's well liked here and it was helping him adjust.  I just fear undoing it all."

"Undoing it!  Giles I don't want to call you guys next time to find out he's crashed and burned.  Giles, if he's getting bad, we should be there!"

"Ye – yes I know.  But give me a few days and we'll see how he is."

Buffy sighed unhappily.  "All right," she conceded.  "Just let us know what's happening.  If he gets worse, I am so there!"

"I understand.  Let me put him back on the phone."  Giles covered the mouthpiece and turned toward the dark-haired young man.  "Xander?" he spoke louder to get his attention and held out the phone.  Xander marched over and snatched the phone.  Giles felt a pain inside as Xander glared at him.

Excerpt from the journals of Wesley Wyndham-Price, member of the Central Council 

July 15, 2003

Xander appears to be growing more and more irrational.  I believe James Robson said he's suffering from PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I know that Xander still suffers from nightmares.  My room is next to his and sometimes I hear him scream when the dreams become particularly bad.  And during his workouts he pushes himself to the verge of collapse.  His speed and strength are not improving due to the amount of stress he's been placing upon his body.

He's been moody, sulking around.  I even tried to snap him out of it by comparing his brooding to Angel's.  Unfortunately all it did was earn me a black eye.  Xander has a formidable right hook.

Giles has decided perhaps Buffy and the others should come after all.

Xander was walking past Giles' den when he heard the phone conversation.  His name being mentioned caught his attention.  Staying out of sight he listened to the older man's end of the conversation.

"I'm afraid he's grown worse."  A pause.  

"Yes, I should have let you come when you first offered."  Pause.

"He's at the edge Buffy.  I'm afraid Xander will break at any given moment.  He's already given Wesley a black eye."  Another pause.

"I'm afraid Wesley compared his brooding to Angel."  A short pause.

"Yes, he realizes in retrospect that it wasn't all that wise."  Pause.

"And how are you holding up?  No more crying marathons?"  A pause.

"I am worried too.  About all of us.  We haven't fully recovered from our war with the First."  Pause.

"Yes, Robson referred to it as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Very serious business."  Long pause.

"All right.  I'll expect you soon."  Short pause.

"Spike?  Shouldn't someone stay in Sunnydale?  You – you know vampires and demons."  Pause.

"Kennedy and Connor you say?  Yes, I suppose they can handle things there.  And Angel has no problems with his son covering for you in Sunnydale on his own?"  Another pause.

"I supposed that's true.  Very well.  I should go.  I have to go over some business with the Central Council.  I'll see you when you arrive."  Short pause.

Xander couldn't see Giles' face, but he could hear the smile when he said, "I love you too.  And tell the others the same for me.  Goodbye."

Xander hurried around the corner of the hall so Giles wouldn't see him when he came out of the den.

Excerpt from the journals of Rupert Giles, Head of the New Council of Watchers 

July 16, 2003

I cannot stress enough how angry I am.  I may understand that Xander is going through a difficult time right now, but that unequivocally does not give him the right to disappear on us.  There is no clue as to where he's gone, except that he isn't booked on any flights out of the country.  Wesley even check under possible aliases Xander might have employed.  Wesley had mentioned something rather confusing about an "Alfred Pennyworth," but I chose to ignore it.  

When Xander failed to show for supper last night I should have realized something was amiss.  The lad never skips a meal – or in-between snacks for that matter.  But I felt it best to give him his space and decided I'd check on him later.  When I went to check on him in his quarters he was not there.  He hadn't taken anything with him, but that meant nothing.  Apparently when he called off his wedding to Anya he pulled the same stunt.

When I get a hold of him I will strangle him for worrying me so.

Xander rubbed his good eye wearily as the sun hit his face.  He groaned and rolled over in bed, attempting to burrow deeper into the mattress.  Then he felt his arm connect with something soft.  "God, I hope that's some stuffed toy," he moaned.

"Now, mate," a female voice answered.  "Is that anyway to tell a lady good morning?"

He cracked his eye open slowly, afraid of what he'd see.  A gorgeous woman with black hair was lying in bed with him.  Naked.  He lifted the sheets to confirm that he too was naked.  "Uh, not to be rude or anything, but what the hell happened last night?"

"Well, luv.  You came into the pub looking to forget about something," the woman shrugged.  "I struck up a conversation and you asked if I knew someplace cheap you could stay.  I invited you here and after a few drinks you agreed.  Name's Shari by the by."  She stuck her hand out and he shook it cautiously.  "You're not a demon by any chance?" Xander asked, dreading the answer.

She laughed at him.  "No, pet.  Why do you ask?"

"Bad history with women."  Shari nodded her head, pretending to understand.

"Did I spend the night bitching about how miserable my life is?"

"Well you did until I figured how to shut you up."

Xander blushed.  "Oh – kay."  He staggered out of bed and began searching for his clothes.  "I need to get back.  People are probably worried about me.

"I understand luv," Shari told him reassuringly as he struggled with his pants.  "You probably want to explain it to them on your own about our engagement."  Xander stumbled and fell to the floor.  "Ow," he groaned.  Shari chuckled.  "Relax mate.  I was joking.  You were just a lonely man who needed to cut loose for the night and forget about what troubles him.  We all need to do it at some time.  I had fun, you had fun.  No harm, no foul."

Xander picked himself up off the floor.  "Right.  So it was good huh?  'Cause, you know, I really don't remember much."

Shari smiled slyly.  "Very good."  He grinned smugly.  "I've never had complaints yet."

Excerpt from the journals of Wesley Wyndham-Price, member of the Central Council 

July 16, 2003

When Xander arrived home I was sure Giles was going to have an aneurysm from trying to restrain himself from killing the lad.  I admire his self-control.  I understand where Giles was coming from.  Even I was sorely tempted to lay into him myself.  He pulled a foolish, juvenile stunt.  If he had been hurt or worse we would never have known. 

He seemed mildly repentant, but he's still distant and angry.  I hope Buffy and the others are here soon.  I think the only one who can reach him is Willow.

That night Xander struck out at the workout bag with all his might, his fist connecting in the center of it.  His body protested the action and he was forced to at least pause till the pain in his ribs subsided.  The frustration was mounting in him.  Even his little drunken escapade the previous night hadn't released the feelings he was battling.  Once more the rage he felt toward the First and Caleb boiled up and he renewed his attack on the hapless bag.  His roundhouse kick was almost enough to tear open either the bag or Xander himself.  He collapsed to the floor when his body decided it had enough.

"Goddamn it!" he roared.  "Fuckin' unbelievable."  He was shouting and he didn't care.  All he wanted was to tear anything and everything apart.  He shot to his feet and began to punish the workout out bag with his rage.  Pummeling it non-stop, he never noticed when his knuckles spilt open from the force of the blows.  Blood flowed out of the wounds and ran down his hands and wrists.

"Damn it Xander!  Is this who you wanted to become when you left?"

It took several seconds for his brain to process the voice he had heard.  Slowly he turned to face the speaker.

He blinked; unsure of who he was seeing.  "Will?"

Willow Rosenberg had her resolve face on.  "What the hell are you doing to yourself Xander?"

TBC …

Book Two starts next, covering what happened with Willow and the others from Xander's departure to their arrival in England to deal with Xander's break down.


End file.
